Hello there!

Hello to all my blog friends! I haven’t been on regularly because I have had so much going on in my life that by the time I sit down I’m ready to go to bed!

My dad is still in the ICU. He is slowly recovering and will be transferred to a rehab facility in the next couple of weeks. God keep showing me how good he is. He has gotten me through such hurdles in my life. When you think all is good then something else happens. At first I thought I was being punished for all the harsh things I have been saying in my post. I soon figured it out its not the case. God wouldn’t put me through all this . It just happened. Its a fluke. Who would of known that my dads AVM would rupture. He has been through so much. 4 surgeries and he is still alive. Its a miracle!

My Mom on the other hand is a complete mess. Her life as she knew it isn’t the same anymore. My Dad had alway’s catered to her every need. Now she has to ask other people for help & do things on her own. I do in a way feel bad for her however she still can be very abrupt and cruel. That hasn’t changed. I was mentally drained for the 2 weeks I was there and I still am in a way. I have to call her everyday for an update. It’s alway’s about her & how drained she is. Oh poor me routine. Let me give you an example. When she found out that their insurance doesn’t cover a lot of the cost for a rehab she was sick to her stomach she was telling my father while he was still in a coma please wake up your costing me $140.00 a day! Then she would laugh a little like it was funny and I would be standing there pissed. Its costing her money. Well it’s both of their money and who cares they have it. Who could say now a day’s if they had over $15,000. 00 in the bank. No one! Everytime she say’s it I just want to curse her out but I keep my mouth shut because I can’t have an opinion! Oh there is so much more! Well lets see she wouldn’t let me drive their car while I was there but she let her Secretary drive it anytime she wanted . My mom doesn’t drive so we would have to bring her to the hospital every day. I stayed at home with her for 2 weeks but she would have her secretary come over and pick us up & bring us to the hospital. Now does that make any sence? No not at all. but I kept my mouth shut ! Oh and here is the latest. Next weekend I am going down for 3 day’s to see my dad and my daughter is going with me. Well you should have heard what she said . She isn’t staying here is she ? I’m not comfortable having her stay here. I am too stressed out and I don’t want to have to caterto her. Blah Blah Blah. She went on & on about it so I had to ask my son if his sister could stay with him while we were there. I just couldn’t believe it! She didn’t want my daughter (her granddaughter) to stay in her house! I almost cancelled my trip but I had to keep saying to myself I’m going down to see my dad. She is something else!!!!!! It’s all about her!!!! She didn’t hear from me for 2 day’s and she called to ask why and I told her that I didn’t get home till late and I didn’t want to wake her.Which was true! Well she went on about how she thought I was upset with her and that her stomach was in knots. How she just couldn’t handle another thing and please don’t be made! Boho boho boho! She didn’t apologize though and she still wanted to make sure that I was coming down & that J(daughter) wasn’t staying there GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Lord help me!!!!! While we were talking she asked what I was doing so I started telling her that I had just got done eating dinner & was getting ready to weed whack the front yard because it had gotten so bad because D(husband) & I have been busy working  and how we didn’t have time! She starts telling me  don’t complain to me about how you don’t have time. I don’t have any time. I have so much to do Blah Blah Blah blah! So I shut up again! Lord help me! I’ll tell you one thing I’m so glad that I have good meds. That is what is keeping me sane!!!

So that the latest & greatest news!

I’ll try to keep everyone posted more often!

Much Love

God Bless!

Published in: on July 28, 2010 at 2:40 pm  Comments (2)  
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Living in a plastic bubble.

Okay so I’ve been living in a plastic bubble of happiness since I came out of the hospital. It was like my hubbie and & have been on a honeymoon.  Well the honeymoon is over :O(. We have gradually gone back somewhat to like the way it was. I’m pretty bummed out about it. My anxiety is creeping back in. I know I know it’s just the reality of life  but it sucks! There are some choices that I have to make soon and I’m not too happy about it. This next month is going to be hard. My parents want me to come down and visit. They usually pay for everything so it’s really hard to come up with an excuse to not go. They have no idea that I was even in the hospital. I can’t tell them do to unwanted negativity and judgment that I know I’ll get if I do tell them. Even after all is said and done they are the only family that I have and I do love them. They are in their 80’s and they don’t really have any contact with the rest of my siblings. I have alway’s been there. Some part of me wants to go see them and another part of me is scared. They made it very clear how disappointed they were in how Jasmine acted the last time she was there . So do I bring her with me or not? While I’m there I’ll be visiting my son and J would be very upset if I didn’t bring her with me. I love when I’m together with both my kids. We have a blast. We haven’t seen my son since around the holiday’s. I miss him so much and so does J. So do I suck it up and go with the hopes that J will be on her best behavior or what? It’s only once a year that I go. J is stressing me out too. I’ve told her for the past 6 months to look for a job so that she isn’t just sitting home and not doing anything all summer. It’s like pulling teeth. I mentioned it again yesterday and she started telling me that she just wants to get this school year over with. She said MOM I’m stressed out. “Stop telling me I have to look for a job”. I know I have to get one. Teenagers!Grrrrr. I mean the girl is a straight A student but she can’t even remember to feed the dog on an everyday basis. Lord help me.

Oh and there is my hubbie he is back to his annoying habits oh lets see asking for sex everyday and asking what’s for breakfast lunch & dinner everyday. I’m the only one that cooks! I wish he could just make a decision for once already.

Oh and there is the side job he is doing. Hmmmm guess who is working with him ME. I hate it. I know he is doing it for extra money. Believe me we need it but is it really worth it? He acted like an ass over the weekend and made me cry. Oh yes I ran up the stairs and went into the bathroom to let it all out. Yep I’m back to hiding my feelings again. I work full-time and then do what I have to do at home plus the side job and trying to take care of miss thing (the teenager).

So the stress is back! It’s not as bad as it was but it concerns me ! I don’t want to get back there . What I mean is get back to the place where everything was too much for me and I have to go back in the hospital. Any suggestions?

Sorry for ranting but I have to really get it out.