Hello there!

Hello to all my blog friends! I haven’t been on regularly because I have had so much going on in my life that by the time I sit down I’m ready to go to bed!

My dad is still in the ICU. He is slowly recovering and will be transferred to a rehab facility in the next couple of weeks. God keep showing me how good he is. He has gotten me through such hurdles in my life. When you think all is good then something else happens. At first I thought I was being punished for all the harsh things I have been saying in my post. I soon figured it out its not the case. God wouldn’t put me through all this . It just happened. Its a fluke. Who would of known that my dads AVM would rupture. He has been through so much. 4 surgeries and he is still alive. Its a miracle!

My Mom on the other hand is a complete mess. Her life as she knew it isn’t the same anymore. My Dad had alway’s catered to her every need. Now she has to ask other people for help & do things on her own. I do in a way feel bad for her however she still can be very abrupt and cruel. That hasn’t changed. I was mentally drained for the 2 weeks I was there and I still am in a way. I have to call her everyday for an update. It’s alway’s about her & how drained she is. Oh poor me routine. Let me give you an example. When she found out that their insurance doesn’t cover a lot of the cost for a rehab she was sick to her stomach she was telling my father while he was still in a coma please wake up your costing me $140.00 a day! Then she would laugh a little like it was funny and I would be standing there pissed. Its costing her money. Well it’s both of their money and who cares they have it. Who could say now a day’s if they had over $15,000. 00 in the bank. No one! Everytime she say’s it I just want to curse her out but I keep my mouth shut because I can’t have an opinion! Oh there is so much more! Well lets see she wouldn’t let me drive their car while I was there but she let her Secretary drive it anytime she wanted . My mom doesn’t drive so we would have to bring her to the hospital every day. I stayed at home with her for 2 weeks but she would have her secretary come over and pick us up & bring us to the hospital. Now does that make any sence? No not at all. but I kept my mouth shut ! Oh and here is the latest. Next weekend I am going down for 3 day’s to see my dad and my daughter is going with me. Well you should have heard what she said . She isn’t staying here is she ? I’m not comfortable having her stay here. I am too stressed out and I don’t want to have to caterto her. Blah Blah Blah. She went on & on about it so I had to ask my son if his sister could stay with him while we were there. I just couldn’t believe it! She didn’t want my daughter (her granddaughter) to stay in her house! I almost cancelled my trip but I had to keep saying to myself I’m going down to see my dad. She is something else!!!!!! It’s all about her!!!! She didn’t hear from me for 2 day’s and she called to ask why and I told her that I didn’t get home till late and I didn’t want to wake her.Which was true! Well she went on about how she thought I was upset with her and that her stomach was in knots. How she just couldn’t handle another thing and please don’t be made! Boho boho boho! She didn’t apologize though and she still wanted to make sure that I was coming down & that J(daughter) wasn’t staying there GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Lord help me!!!!! While we were talking she asked what I was doing so I started telling her that I had just got done eating dinner & was getting ready to weed whack the front yard because it had gotten so bad because D(husband) & I have been busy working  and how we didn’t have time! She starts telling me  don’t complain to me about how you don’t have time. I don’t have any time. I have so much to do Blah Blah Blah blah! So I shut up again! Lord help me! I’ll tell you one thing I’m so glad that I have good meds. That is what is keeping me sane!!!

So that the latest & greatest news!

I’ll try to keep everyone posted more often!

Much Love

God Bless!

Published in: on July 28, 2010 at 2:40 pm  Comments (2)  
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Dad in critical condition!

To my blog family I just wanted to inform you that my Dad had a severe brain hemorrhage last night. They had to do 2 surgeries on him this morning and he is in critical condition. I’m sooo sad. I’ll probably be leaving to go down to the Island very soon. I have to say even though I’ve had a rough life and upbringing my parents are all that I have and I still love them very much! Please keep my Dad in your prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Published in: on June 17, 2010 at 1:45 pm  Comments (4)  
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Do my kids know how much I love them?

The other day I asked my daughter this question. Before I asked her I told her that I was going to ask her a serious question and to please think about it before she answered. You should have seen the look on her face after I asked her. Like are you losing your mind. LOL Her response to it was yes! I don’t know what I would have done if she said no but I was so relieved. I asked my son the same question a while ago and he said the  same thing yes.

So I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m bringing this up ? Well at my last therapy session I mentioned to my therapist that my Mom sent me flowers for Mothers day. She asked me how I felt about it and I said I really felt nothing. I mean really nothing!!! Not “oh how nice” or “how thoughtful “or anything. She said well at least your being honest . She then asked me If I ever felt loved by my Mom and I immediately started crying. That question made me really think and I said no. Wow after all these years I have never felt love by my Mom. She alway’s gave good gifts and she showed me off like her prized possession.”Look at my adopted Daughter”. She would have me sit on her lap when we were at other peoples houses. Showing me off like I was an animal. That’s what it felt like you know. You know when people show off their pigs at a show. OMG I can’t even believe I’m writing this. But to really feel loved NO. How sad is that? That’s not to say she didn’t love me she just didn’t show me or she just had her own way of showing me.

So it made me think do my kids know how much they are loved? I’m proud to say yes and I will forever show them with as much hugs & kisses possible & of course be there for them no matter what. Thank you GOD.

My next post will be an assignment that my therapist gave me. It’s going to be a tough one. A letter to my mom!

Till next time…..

 

C

Published in: on May 18, 2010 at 1:46 pm  Comments (6)  
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