Hello there!

Hello to all my blog friends! I haven’t been on regularly because I have had so much going on in my life that by the time I sit down I’m ready to go to bed!

My dad is still in the ICU. He is slowly recovering and will be transferred to a rehab facility in the next couple of weeks. God keep showing me how good he is. He has gotten me through such hurdles in my life. When you think all is good then something else happens. At first I thought I was being punished for all the harsh things I have been saying in my post. I soon figured it out its not the case. God wouldn’t put me through all this . It just happened. Its a fluke. Who would of known that my dads AVM would rupture. He has been through so much. 4 surgeries and he is still alive. Its a miracle!

My Mom on the other hand is a complete mess. Her life as she knew it isn’t the same anymore. My Dad had alway’s catered to her every need. Now she has to ask other people for help & do things on her own. I do in a way feel bad for her however she still can be very abrupt and cruel. That hasn’t changed. I was mentally drained for the 2 weeks I was there and I still am in a way. I have to call her everyday for an update. It’s alway’s about her & how drained she is. Oh poor me routine. Let me give you an example. When she found out that their insurance doesn’t cover a lot of the cost for a rehab she was sick to her stomach she was telling my father while he was still in a coma please wake up your costing me $140.00 a day! Then she would laugh a little like it was funny and I would be standing there pissed. Its costing her money. Well it’s both of their money and who cares they have it. Who could say now a day’s if they had over $15,000. 00 in the bank. No one! Everytime she say’s it I just want to curse her out but I keep my mouth shut because I can’t have an opinion! Oh there is so much more! Well lets see she wouldn’t let me drive their car while I was there but she let her Secretary drive it anytime she wanted . My mom doesn’t drive so we would have to bring her to the hospital every day. I stayed at home with her for 2 weeks but she would have her secretary come over and pick us up & bring us to the hospital. Now does that make any sence? No not at all. but I kept my mouth shut ! Oh and here is the latest. Next weekend I am going down for 3 day’s to see my dad and my daughter is going with me. Well you should have heard what she said . She isn’t staying here is she ? I’m not comfortable having her stay here. I am too stressed out and I don’t want to have to caterto her. Blah Blah Blah. She went on & on about it so I had to ask my son if his sister could stay with him while we were there. I just couldn’t believe it! She didn’t want my daughter (her granddaughter) to stay in her house! I almost cancelled my trip but I had to keep saying to myself I’m going down to see my dad. She is something else!!!!!! It’s all about her!!!! She didn’t hear from me for 2 day’s and she called to ask why and I told her that I didn’t get home till late and I didn’t want to wake her.Which was true! Well she went on about how she thought I was upset with her and that her stomach was in knots. How she just couldn’t handle another thing and please don’t be made! Boho boho boho! She didn’t apologize though and she still wanted to make sure that I was coming down & that J(daughter) wasn’t staying there GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Lord help me!!!!! While we were talking she asked what I was doing so I started telling her that I had just got done eating dinner & was getting ready to weed whack the front yard because it had gotten so bad because D(husband) & I have been busy working  and how we didn’t have time! She starts telling me  don’t complain to me about how you don’t have time. I don’t have any time. I have so much to do Blah Blah Blah blah! So I shut up again! Lord help me! I’ll tell you one thing I’m so glad that I have good meds. That is what is keeping me sane!!!

So that the latest & greatest news!

I’ll try to keep everyone posted more often!

Much Love

God Bless!

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Published in: on July 28, 2010 at 2:40 pm  Comments (2)  
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Back to the continuence of my life story

It’s been a while since I’ve been on. I know I’m supposed to write more. Purge more of what I have been holding on to but there is soooo much. I’ll have to right for the rest of my life. It makes me feel depressed a little. I mean I know there are many people worse off than me. Oh if you only heard the stories that I did while I was in the hospital. So that’s supposed to make me feel better right? Well in a way not really. I still have the hurt inside that’s been there for so long. Grrrr if I think about it too long it pisses me off. I did allow some of that hurt in my adult years. I have to acknowledge that and I still do allow it now.  Oh I will have to ge to that on another day.

So back to my past. Well after the abuse from my foster brother my parents kicked him out. They didn’t talk about it anymore. It was like it never happened. Well to them not to us. We suffered in silence. Although I didn’t really know it then. I know it now. I pretty much blocked it out for a very long time. That’s how I dealt with it. As the years went on my parents adopted 3 more children. Oh they had a lot of baggage too. I don’t know what my parents were thinking of adopting 3 other siblings who were teenagers. Well the boys were 17 years old twins and the girl was 15. There mother died of cancer and their real father was very abusive and couldn’t take care of them. We had a packed house. Plus my grandmother lived there too. Everyone had their own chores. It wasn’t so bad then I mean there were 5 children so the chores were split evenly. My parents decided to by a house on Long Island and move us out of the city. So we moved to a great big house. There were more chores and a lot of  fighting between my sister & our other adopted sister. They fought over who got the most attention from the boy’s in the neighborhood. I was the child who Mom alway’s showed off like I was a prized big. I never gave them a problem. I was the good child. Whatever they say do I did. I kissed butt all the time because  I was alway’s afraid of doing wrong. It made me so angry that my 2 sisters never thought before they acted. They did what they wanted and got in trouble all the time. They didn’t care. My Mom would get into arguments with them all the time. It alway’s wound up my mother getting ill either her fainting or whatever. I really thought she was such a drama queen. She would cry to my dad and then he would handle it after that. My sisters would fight all the time and then they would tease me like crazy. My brothers graduated high school and both got married really young. I think they were 18 or 19. Let me give you an example of  how sick our family was. My real sister would go babysit for my brother’s wife. He married this girl who already had a 2-year-old. Anyway she would go over there house to babysit. One day I was there and I caught my brother & real sister having sex. Yes you read it right. SEX. Incest!!!! Yep that’s right. My parents had no clue. I don’t know how long it went on for but a little while after that my sister was sent to a drug rehab facility. I don’t even think she was doing drugs. My parents just didn’t know how to control her. They never got her help. HELLO she was abused most her life. So I was traumatized again. They took my sister away from me. The only real family I had. She was gone. Everyone else was gone. I was the only one left. Left to do everything. All the chores. I felt like a slave. I had to make sure all my chores were done & dinner made on some nights before I could even sit down to do my homework. By that time I was so exhausted I didn’t have it in me to concentrate. I did so poorly in school. I hated it. I didn’t fit in. My BFF from elementary was taken away from me when we moved then my sister and then my BFF from high school moved away I had no one that I could confide in. I was a lonely teenager. Oh I worked hard out of school and I didn’t have a problem with boyfriends and I was very sexually active but I was still lonely.  I would try to talk with my Mom she wouldn’t listen or judged me all the time. Yeah and then there was the your going to become no good just like your sister. Is that what you want to become. It was thrown in my face all the time. Oh how I hated it. Well the big house was too big to take care of. My grandmother died of a stroke. Oh I forgot to tell you I wound up being her favorite. We were very close. So we moved again. We moved into a condo. I had job , went to school and tried to spend as much time with my boyfriend as I could. My parents were strict. When  I turned 17 they allowed me to go out more and I had a later curfew. Well one day my friends boyfriend called me upset about a fight he had with her. So he asked if I could come over. I was clueless then. My boyfriend had just broke up with me because he didn’t have a job and couldn’t afford to take me out. So I asked my parents if I could go out they told me yes. I had to be home by 11:30. So he picked me up and we went out to a pool hall and then he took me to his Grandmothers house to watch a movie. Well before I knew it I fell asleep. My friend let me sleep and went to bed. I woke up around 6 am and I panicked. I had my friend take me home. When I got there my parents had my clothes out on the stoop. I knocked on the door and ask why I wasn’t allowed in they wouldn’t open the door. They didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I did not sleep with my friend. I fell asleep on the couch!!!!!!!. GRRRRRRR They didn’t believe me. They kicked me out and changed the locks on the door. This was the second time I broke curfew. The second time. I mean really are we not allowed to make mistakes. I just think they had it with my 2 other sisters that they just wasn’t going to let me get away with anything. I was sooooo angry. I was kicked out of the only home I really had for breaking curfew. I had no were to go. If it wasn’t for my friend bringing me to his grandmothers I would have been out in the street. Homeless. And the story goes on and on…………..

 

c

Published in: on June 16, 2010 at 3:36 pm  Comments (4)  
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More facts about me!

 

 

 

11. I was born premature. 3 lbs 5 1/2 ounces.

12. I hated school.

13. I know how to cute hair. (but never got my license)

14. I took dance classes and my favorite was Tap.

16. I Hate yogurt!

17. I had one girlfriend growing up and as an adult I now have about 30.

18. I’ve had a State job for almost 20 years.

19. I’m horrible at typing.

20. I love old school music from back in the day-70’s-90’s.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwsUNnA-uiE&feature=related               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi06JvNHW6U,

21. My favorite chocolate is dark.

22. I didn’t drive on the highway till about 10 years after I got my license. ( to scared)

23. I used to smoke.

24. My 5 favorite movies are Steel Magnolias, Beaches, Terms of Endearment, Bridges of Madison County & The Notebook. (I love them and can watch them over & over!!!!!)

25. I’m allergic to cats.

 

that’s it for now!!

Till next time…..

 

God Bless

Published in: on May 28, 2010 at 2:38 pm  Comments (8)  
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