Ok so lets rewind back to October 2010. 7 months after I got out of the hospital. Things were going well and then things started going back to the way things were. He promised they wouldn’t but they did. There were little signs here and their. Then they just got worse and worse. I started feeling scared again. Scared of a confrontation. It just was bad. There were moments when he embarrassed me at work and the last straw was when one of my BFF’s came over to my house. She tried starting up a conversation with him and he pretty much was rude to her and then ignored her. My friend didn’t know what to do so she left. I kept apologizing to her and she said to me you don’t have to apologize for his behavior but I felt I needed to. I was so embarrassed. So after she left I was so angry. I asked him what was his problem was. For me to question him is a no no! So he sat up straight with the attitude and look of how dare you question my behavior. He said he didn’t have a problem and I said then why did you treat (I’ll call her A for now) like that. He said he didn’t do anything wrong and I tried explaining his behavior to him and he got angrier to the point  where my daughter started to panic. she was pacing back and forth. Then he blew! He told me to get A on the phone and I was like no he said you better call her now and I again said no he then said you better or else. I was shaking so bad I felt like I was going to vomit. So I grabbed the phone and called her. He said you ask her if I was rude to her then he grabbed the phone and asked her himself. She got scared and got off the phone quick. She didn’t even answer the question. He was so made he threw the phone down. Well then I blew. I told him I couldn’t believe he made me call her so on and so forth and he just got madder and madder to the point where he started blaming me for his behavior. I just shut right down. That’s what happens to me when my PTSD flares up. I couldn’t hear him all I could feel was my heart pounding, my legs feel like jello and my stomach in my throat. I was shaking so bad I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I felt my body just give in to my PTSD symptoms. I had no control. I lost it. I ran to the bathroom and was dry heaving and then went to my bedroom and laid down. I just was rocking back and forth in my bed . Shaking ,crying. It was awful! then I heard my door open and it was my daughter checking on me. She was so upset. She was crying and then she said to me you have to leave him mom. I don’t want you back in the hospital. so that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.


Published in: on September 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Nobody should have the power to make you feel that way. I know from personal experience it happens, but it shouldn’t.

  2. Just reading this makes my chest feel heavy. I can’t imagine what you have gone through.

  3. I am actually glad you got out of this situation, if life together is this miserable then it’s time to move on, no one should feel ashamed of who they are nor have to make excuses for these actions.

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