2 posts in 1 day wow!

Never thought it would be this easy to get back in the swing. So here goes!
So I’m not sure if I mentioned this but I have OCD. I have never really been diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have been all my life. I have an obsessive personality. Everyday when I get to work I look out my window to see if my ex-boyfriends car is there. I find myself doing that more and more. I know I should move on but I’m still in love with him.I met or should I say started dating JR July 17,2011. I’ve known him for many years though work. Over 20 years! One day I saw him in the parking lot and he was walking towards this brand new Chevy Camaro. I said to JR thats not your car is it and he said yes and then i was like get out really. So thats how it started! Before I knew it we started dating and I feel madly in love with him in a couple of months. You see that is my problem when I fall in love I fall hard. I should of really picked up the signs but I was too in love to notice. He wanted our relationship to be hush hush. Where I wanted to scream it to the wolrd.” I’M IN LOVE” ! All I wanted at the time was to be with him every second of the day. We emailed,text,talked and saw eatch other almost everyday. That lasted for a couple of months then around the 4-5th month is when he started backing off. I’m lucky if I saw him 1-2 days a week and then came the excuses. Till finally he just stopped calling. It didn’t stop me from calling him or texting him. He did finally come over one night to tell me that he couldn’t commit to a relationship. That it wasn’t fair to me, that I deserved better. Blah Blah Blah. I was devestated and that’s when I said I love you I’ll accept any kind of relationship. Oh stupid me! What the hell was wrong with me. I did deserve better however I wanted to be with him so I held onto whatever I could. Anyway JR & I aren’t in a relationship anymore but what did I do the other week I slept with him Yup desperate me! As I type this it really disgust me to think I have become that person. A person who will do anything for attention for his attention.

OMG I didn’t fill you in on my marriage. I’ll have to update you on that in my next post.

C

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Published in: on September 21, 2012 at 6:49 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Love is a hard one to figure out and it takes a lot of work at times, but on the same hand if you want to keep it under wraps and hide it from the world then something is wrong, run my friend run away, that is what keeps screaming inside my head to tell you.

    You deserve someone who will be proud of you, someone who is not ashamed, and definitely someone who will just sleep with you because he sees you are vulnerable.

    Don’t beat yourself up over this, you were following your heart in a sense, just know someone is out there for you and sometimes that person is closer than you think.

    My wife and I were friends for about ten years, talked each other through divorces when we needed to talk and never considered dating one another, this July was fifteen years since we married each other, sometimes you are looking too hard for love when it’s right under your nose.

    You are going to be OK my Friend.


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